It’s fair to say that wasn’t in the script. Not for Stokes, the dirt-stained warrior who 18 months earlier had almost single-handedly claimed World Cup glory at Lord’s and then lost Australia at Headingley with one of the greatest Ashes innings. And not for the makers of a documentary about the 31-year-old’s life and career, which began filming shortly after he found himself in that intensely dark place. A gripping early scene in Ben Stokes: Phoenix from the Ashes, out this week on Prime Video, shows a lanky Stokes, eyes red and sunken, nervously biting his lower lip. He’s two weeks into what has become a four-month hiatus from the sport, and he tells Sam Mendes, the acclaimed director and interviewer/narrator for this project, about the spate of anxiety attacks that made him consider retirement. The attacks struck indiscriminately, once at a dry cleaners when he felt his heart “sweat” and another when he had to escape while picking up his son from a children’s party. But the most important came after that Hundred match at Trent Bridge. Stuart Broad, his teammate and close friend, puts it bluntly: “I could have seen him never play again.” Twelve months on, Stokes says he can barely recognize himself on screen. He is in a brighter place, leading the Test team with the aggression that has underpinned his career and in an interview with the Guardian ahead of the South Africa series, he describes how he overcame that bleak period. Stokes began seeing a clinical psychologist and taking medication, which he is still taking. “I didn’t know what was going on,” he says. “The best way to explain it is, not a two-week thing, but a huge accumulation of multiple things over time. It’s like being a glass bottle, you keep putting stuff in there and eventually over time there’s no more room and it breaks. This is what happened in Nottingham – the bottle broke. But it’s hard to remember what happened, I can’t explain it.” Ben Stokes bowls for the Northern Superchargers against the Trent Rockets in the Hundred – the match that caused an anxiety attack so bad his friend Stuart Broad thought he might never play again. Photo: Robbie Stephenson/JMP/Shutterstock Since this was a fortnight before the date of the first interview with Mendes, did he not consider postponing? “It never crossed my mind. When we agreed to do the film, I told them I wanted it to be me – to be authentic. Not just to make me look good. It wouldn’t be fair if I said “I didn’t want that in there” or we slipped around things. “I could wait to talk [my panic attacks] then things were better, but I think what is possible [about this film] speaks to this low point. People who know me will think, “Wow. Hell, that’s crazy.” His final route out? “It was a case of complete withdrawal from sport. And talking to a clinical psychologist, someone who could understand what I was feeling and tell me what my brain was doing, why this was happening. It made me hate cricket. I thought that was the reason I never saw my dad again “But it wasn’t just because I came back to play. I still talk to the doctor, just not as regularly, and I still take medicine every day. It’s an ongoing process.” Stokes isn’t sure about the particular drug – “I’m just taking what the doctor prescribed” – but he knows it works after spending a career of dizzying highs, crushing lows and brushes with the law trying to overcome any dark spells. The message he wants to share – one that feels groundbreaking from a sitting Test captain with a public image of being indestructible – is that seeking help is essential. “These things aren’t something you pick and choose, what day you’re going to feel like a drawer, what day you’re going to feel like shit. The most frustrating thing, and something I understand now, is saying “everything will be fine.” No, shut up, stop being so arrogant. I was like that. I was very optimistic when I was younger, when my wife, Claire, was having bad days I would say ‘keep it up’. I never understood why she was so upset by it.” As the film charts, the ‘things’ that caused the ‘glass bottle’ to break were myriad, and the match in Nottingham, when he tried to fend off a finger injury and dropped a crucial catch that he would normally gobble up, was the trigger. . It was probably overdue, having failed to properly process the loss of his father Ged to brain cancer in late 2020. Stokes resented cricket for missing out on his final days. Ben Stokes and his wife Claire arrive at Bristol Crown Court during his trial for affray in 2018. Picture: Andrew Matthews/PA Images “The last time I saw dad he was leaving New Zealand to go to the Indian Premier League – that was dictated by cricket. He wanted me to leave, he loved me a lot playing for Rajasthan Royals and the people there. But it made me hate cricket, I thought it was the reason I didn’t see my dad before he died. I should have opened it earlier – I just thought ‘cricket, cricket, cricket’. It’s not a regret… but I would have done things differently.” The strains of the Covid-19 pandemic have been stinging and it was not the first time Stokes has taken issue with the sport and its public profile. He essentially blamed himself for the Sun publishing a truly heartless story in September 2019 about his mother, Deborah, and a family tragedy that had occurred in New Zealand in the 1980s. The heartache and anger it caused is palpable. . In addition, Stokes also failed to come to terms with the fallout from the 2017 Bristol road match that saw him miss that winter’s Ashes series, but emerged from the resulting court case unscathed. The film does not shy away from the events of that night – footage of the fight and his arrest at 2.47am. – as Stokes claims he rushed to the defense of two men who were receiving homophobic abuse. “It’s another example, just because a situation is over, doesn’t mean it’s over,” he says. “Claire says it very well in the film, that people would probably think I would move on. Subscribe to our cricket newsletter for our writers’ thoughts on the biggest stories and a review of the week’s action Privacy Notice: Newsletters may contain information about charities, online advertising and content sponsored by external parties. For more information, see our Privacy Policy. We use Google reCaptcha to protect our website and Google’s Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. Ben Stokes celebrates his match-winning heroics against Australia at Headingley in 2019. Photo: Gareth Copley/Getty Images “But this [not guilty verdict] it was just the end of one part and the beginning of another. I was training the next day, playing a test three days later, dealing with control, dealing with my emotions. The effect it had on me and my family, on Claire… it wasn’t over.” This was a difficult time in the public eye, the reporting of which made him feel that the media were “pieces of shit”. The disciplinary proceedings that led to the Ashes absence becoming part of a back-to-back ban (along with a £30,000 fine) also sparked strong dislike for some ‘suits’ within the England and Wales Cricket Board and led him to believe he may be ‘playing for the wrong people.” As the film reveals, Stokes found himself on a highway where Fairbrother and Clare were talking about stopping international cricket. Given his subsequent role in winning the World Cup, this was a moment for English cricket. Not that it changed his mind about some managers, one of whom was told to “fuck off” when asking for a selfie in the Lord’s stand after that shocking final. “When I say the media is shit, it’s jumping to conclusions [about Bristol]. I’m not the type of person to play public vendettas – it’s my moral high ground. But there were things that people, certain people, journalists, media, had but chose not to publish because they didn’t reflect the way I write about me. “And ‘suit’ is obviously a catch-all word for people at certain levels. Not everyone who wears a suit is a prick. I just felt it was the best way to describe certain people without naming who they were. But if that particular person [who asked for a selfie] watch the documentary, they will know exactly who they are.” You see people being abused for something they don’t deserve – I won’t put it past that While it’s possible they put amateur sleuths to work, that’s as far as Stokes is prepared to go. He is similarly tight-lipped when asked why Alex Hales, the second England player to feature that night, is referred to as “my friend at the time” in the film. This is the only part of this interview where the reporter steps in to call for a move on, although the obvious question for Bristol is asked: would Stokes do the same again? “If this was a PR job to make me look good, I’d be told to say I’m leaving,” he says. “But no. I wouldn’t just ignore something like that. I wasn’t raised that way. You see people being abused for something they don’t deserve and they’re vulnerable – I’m not going to put it past that.” That response may bother some, but, as the documentary explores, it seems to be part of his makeup. His mother says it comes from his father, a hard-nosed former rugby league international, and on a visit to Cockermouth, where Stokes grew up after reluctantly leaving New Zealand aged 12,…
